Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn:

  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
  8. e to present the present.
  9. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  10. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  11. I did not object to the object.
  12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  13. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  14. They were too close to the door to close it.
  15. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  16. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  17. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  18. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  19. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  20. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  21. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  22. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

“Weird Al” Yankovic - Word Crimes

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss.



Become a member of the The Apostrophe Protection Society today!


Eye stold dis frum anodder net. Candidate for a Pullet Surprise Often called “An Owed to the Spelling Checker”

by Jerrold H. Zar

I have a spelling checker - It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished in it's weigh, My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing, It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime.

To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should be proud. And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaws are knot aloud.

And now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, Their are know faults with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear.

Each frays come posed up on my screen Eye trussed to bee a joule The checker poured o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule.

That's why aye brake in two averse By righting wants too pleas. Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays Such soft wear for pea seas!

If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?

Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed. — Charles Follen Adams, “An Orthographic Lament”

The New Age of REASON Spelling: See The New Age of REASON by John M. Culkin, Science Digest-August 1981.

“The English alphabet is pure insanity. It can hardly spell any word in the language with any large degree of certainty. …The silliness of the English alphabet are quite beyond enumeration. Where as the English orthography needs…simplifying, the English alphabet needs it two or three million times more.” - Mark Twain.

…an intelligent child who is bidden to spell “DEBT”, and very properly spells it “D-E-T”, is caned for not spelling it with a “B” because Julius Caesar spelled it with a “B”. - George Bernard Shaw. Alfubet F/\R hu Komput.r /_\j

See also:Alfubet F/\R hu Komput.r /_\j (Tittle is close has I could get in ASCII.) by John Culkin-Science Digest- August 1982. “UNIFON, a phonetic alphabet that is five times more efficient than our ABC's, may revolutionize reading and writing and help us communicate better with computers.” …“Fans of UNIFON don't want to wait another 3,000 years before eliminating the illogic from our language.” The UNIFON Alphabet (Trade mark) is by John Malone.

UNIFON is now part of the Unicode standard, (UNIFON:U+E740 - U+E76F).

What is Unicode? It's a 16-bit character code standard (also known as ISO 10646) which is intended to provide character codes for, in principle, all the world's written languages.